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Posts Tagged ‘trans’

So. . . when I first saw this blog post from LivLuna, I wasn’t sure how to feel about something called “SlutWalk.” 

If I’m being totally honest, I have to admit that I have been known to call a girl or two “sluts”–without really knowing anything about them, other than how they were dressed.  I always knew it was wrong to judge others like that. . . but what can I say?  I’m opinionated. 

But after reading about SlutWalk and watching the video above, I can’t help but reevaluate my use of the words “slut” and “bitch.”  What they’re saying is true.  Using words like that does make it sound like it’s OK to judge women based on what clothes they wear or how much make-up they have on–and gives people a socially accepted way to discriminate and even abuse women. 

In some cases, the way a woman was dressed has even been used as a defense for rape, and THAT is the kind of stereotyping that SlutWalk is trying to fight against.

The New York Post may think that SlutWalks are “feminist folly” and “idiocy,” but as far as I’m concerned, it has really gotten me to reconsider what words like “slut” really mean.  I’m vowing to think a little more before I speak unkindly of others.

 And I plan to attend SlutWalk NYC on August 20, 2011!

Wanna join in?  RSVP to the Facebook Event.

Vote in the poll below or comment and let me know what you think!  Like this post?  Be sure to click “like” or share with your friends on facebook and twitter!
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Someone recently asked me about my “coming out” story.  I don’t talk about it much because. . . well. . . it’s just not that exciting.  Even my sister’s coming out story is more interesting than mine!

Hell, to be honest, I wasn’t even that nervous about coming out–except to my mom. 

I knew she’d still love me. . . but she had been asking me for years if I liked girls. . . and I always told her “No, I don’t think so” or “Nope, no girl fantasies for me.”

And it was true!  I had never had any interest girls. . . but I hadn’t had any interest in guys either.  Naturally, she was wondering. 

FINALLY, in May of my junior year of high school, it happened–my first real crush on a girl.  I knew I had to tell my mom the truth.

So that Saturday, my mom and I were in her Mustang and she was driving me to my lame part-time job at the public library.  About two minutes into the drive (it only took five to get to the library from home), I finally got up the courage to say something.

“Mom.”

“What?”

“I like Kim.”

“Like. . . what?”  She looked confused.

“I like Kim.  A lot.”  I tried to sound casual.

“Like. . . as a friend?  Or like you wanna date her?”

“I’m going out with her.”

“So. . . you’re gay?”  She put on her turn signal.

“I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?  You like girls, right?” 

“No.  I like Kim.  Beyond that, I don’t know.” 

“You picked now to tell me?” she asked, as we pulled up to the library and she put the parking break on.

“. . . . Yes?”

She gave me a look and shook her head. 

“I love you,” she said, and leaned over to give me a hug.  “Have a good day at work.”

“Love you, too!”  I hugged her and got out of the car. 

That was in 2006, and to this day, she still makes fun of me for coming out the day before Mother’s Day.

“What kind of a Mother’s Day present is that?!”

I’d like to thank my mom for raising me to be such a confident, well-adjusted kid.  I’m nothing compared to some of the other crazies at my college.  =P 

Pretty sure my mom must have one of those in her closet somewhere. . .
 
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So. . . while I was home visiting my family for Easter, my mom asked me this question:

If you found out that there was a drug you could take that would make you straight, would you take it?

I didn’t even hesitate to tell her “No.”

And she was surprised that I wouldn’t want to be straight if I could be.

Ever since I first realized that I was a lesbian and came out, it’s been such an integral part of my life.  While it’s far from being the only important factor in defining who I am, it is still a major part of who I consider myself to be and how I think about myself.  It has affected the decisions I’ve made, the way I have viewed the world, and the person I have become.   

To put it quite simply. . . I can no longer even imagine life as a straight woman.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who would just love to find a miracle “cure” for “the gay”–probably the same people who send their kids to “ex-gay camps” to turn them straight.   

For the same reason I’d never go to one of those camps or programs, I would never want to take a drug or hormone therapy to change my orientation.  There is nothing wrong with me the way I am, and I am perfectly happy being me. 

Pretty well adjusted for a gay kid, huh? 

“Baby, I was born this way.” —Lady Gaga

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Ever heard one of these:

  • “He’s gay, right?”
  • “She looks like a dyke!”

Or my personal favorite. . .

  • “Is that a guy or a girl?”

Or. . .

  • “You can’t be a lesbian!  You don’t play softball!”

Maybe that last one sounds a little strange, but it’s the first thing my mom said when I told her I was batting for the other team.

My grandmother was struck by the fear that I would suddenly become a totally different person.  She was quite sure I would buzz my long hair, burn all of my bras, and trade my high-heels  and miniskirts in for work boots and flannel.

Now, it’s almost five years later, and I’m more girly than ever– “except for that whole liking girls thing,” as my mom would say.

Even now, I find that people just assume I’m straight.  People I’ve gone to college with for four years still go wide-eyed and say, “I didn’t know you were gay!”

People have preconceived notions of what they think it means to be gay, straight, lesbian, or transgendered.  The list of stereotypes goes on and on, but the fact is, most people just can’t be categorized like that.  Liking musical theatre doesn’t make a man gay, anymore than being black makes a man a thug–although I guess my one lonely pair of big baggy jeans does make me a little dykey.

What are some of your “favorite” stereotypes?  Funny ones or offensive ones?  Ones that just plain don’t make sense?  I wanna hear about it!  Please comment or subscribe!

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Imagine that girl (or guy) you can’t stop thinking about:  cute. . . interesting. . . fun to talk to. . . no criminal record to speak of–and to top it all off, you checked her (his) relationship status on facebook and it says “single!”  Could it be any more perfect?

You try to work up your nerve.  You write a text message.  You backspace.  You rewrite it.  You start to press “send.”  Then you delete it again.  You dial their number, then close your phone.  You twist yourself into such a knot over it, and then finally just ask them out, only to hear the fatal words:

“I’m sorry, but I like someone else.  I just wanna see where it goes.”

Oh, sure, they try to make you feel better by saying how cute and sweet you are or how they’re sure you’ll find someone else soon–but we all know that it really doesn’t make you feel any better.  The bottom line is that you just got shot down–again.

“I wanna see where it goes.”  It’s all well and good to wonder where your heart will take you.  Who knows?  It could be great–or maybe that special someone doesn’t even know you exist.

But what about the person who just worked up the nerve to spill their guts?  Maybe they’re not what you had in mind. . . but at least you know they’re interested, right?  Does anyone ever stop to consider what might happen if they just forget about that other girl they’ve been chasing for months and say “yes” to the person who isn’t running away?

It seems like people are always complaining about being single, but if we’re all tired of being single, why do we keep turning each other down?  Are we just too picky?  Or just too wrapped up in our own romantic fantasies?

Please tell me about your experiences!  Ever felt this way?  Who do you think it’s tougher for?  Men or women, gay or straight?  I wanna know your thoughts!  Please comment and/or subscribe!

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